Learning to Have Compassion

Genuine experience of the love of God leads to greater desire to live a spiritually oriented life. Spiritual life is most concretely lived through acts of compassion. Compassion is a way of demonstrating one´s love of God according to Christ´s words: "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." (Mt. 25:40) Love of God becomes more evident in compassionate acts upon the ones often regarded least or upon those who most suffer rejection and abandon.

Compassion is understood as a sense of shared suffering often accompanied by a desire to alleviate the suffering of another. It essentially arises out of empathy that often leads to concrete actions in view of easing the suffering of another. Compassionate is the person who takes into account the suffering of another person and does something to alleviate that suffering as if it were one´s own. Needless to say, compassion is not only a genuine spiritual act but is also the most humane response to human suffering. Compassion is a down-to-earth demonstration of kindness and generosity in that it focuses on the alleviation of suffering.

Everyone suffers in different degrees and intensities and everyone is confronted by the reality of suffering in varying dimensions. While suffering is at the core of human experience, compassion is not always an automatic response to it. Amidst daily bombardment of sensationalized stories of suffering vis-à-vis one´s personal struggles and own share of sufferings, one may or may not learn to respond to life´s pangs and pains in compassion. On the contrary, for personal protection and avoidance of suffering, one may learn to filter or block any stimulus that may evoke empathetic or compassionate reaction. Insensitivity and indifference are nothing but avoidance of suffering and consequently of compassion itself. In other words, instead of being compassionate, one can also choose to be numb. That is the road to unhappiness. As the Dalai Lama says: "If you want others to be happy, practise compassion. If you want to be happy, practise compassion."

As would any other habit, compassion can be learned. So, here are some concrete stages to learn compassion:

• Gratitude ritual stage: Start each day by counting your blessings. In thankful prayer and positive self-affirmation, acknowledge what you are and have. Focus on your potentials and project words and actions towards positive directions throughout the day.

• Empathy stage: Compassion begins with empathy which can be acquired through practice. The more we think of ourselves, the less we develop empathy. Try this: Think of a loved one who is suffering and imagine his or her suffering in as much details as possible. Do this regularly for some days or weeks. Then, start moving on and do the same with other persons you know.

• Fellowship stage: We are fellow human beings with common material, emotional and spiritual basic needs. Instead of highlighting differences, focus on our common needs for food, shelter, affection, success and most of all, happiness. Like you, others also go after what you crave. This way, you become constantly aware that you are not the only one who dreams and strives after these needs. We are all fellow searchers of happiness.

• Relief feeling stage: Once you have empathized and understood others´ needs and sufferings, you come into the heart of compassion: to want to ease the suffering of another. Try this: Reflect on how much you would feel when another person desired to act upon and end your own suffering. Imagine and feel the relief it brings when someone cares about you and your wellbeing. This feeling of relief is what you want to develop. It is the same feeling you want to see in another person who is going through suffering. By constant practice, this feeling can grow in you and you will eventually open your heart to another person´s suffering and want to do something about it. As you feel good when someone does something to relieve your suffering, inversely, another person may feel relief when you reach out to him or her.

• Compassionate act stage: After having gone through the previous stages, you can now think about concrete acts you can do. It is a practice of doing something to help lessen or end the suffering of another person, even in a small way and the way you can. Even just listening or talking to the person, a smile, a chore, a simple material assistance etc. With practice, compassionate acts can be developed.

• Rest stage: You started the day with gratitude and planned it out to be lived in compassion. Before going to bed, reflect upon your day and think about the people you met, how you treated them and how they treated you. Whoever they were, whatever they did to you, your goal was to act towards others with compassion. You rest well and look forward to another day to demonstrate compassion.

Compassion can be learned. With constant practice, it becomes a habit and consequently moulds our character. With compassionate heart, we may realize that compassion should not only be directed towards those who may be compassionate to us but also to those who mistreat us. That also comes with practice however difficult it may be at times. It is called love of enemy and it is just the right thing to do in genuine spiritual living. And that surely leads to happiness. Christ says: "Blessed are those who suffer for doing what is right. The kingdom of heaven belongs to them." (Mt. 5:10)

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